So, it's a Monday night and I'm sitting here in front of my computer after work. Feeling super tired still, feeling nicely full from the dinner my mom made, and.. what's this? A strange emptiness inside. The rally on Saturday was fantastic. And it's over.

The last 3 months have been tough, I won't lie about it and say that I enjoyed every single choir practice I had. Oftentimes, I felt like I was just in the choir because I couldn't do anything else. Some Sundays, I wouldn't feel like going down because there were so many other things I could be doing with my time. Meeting my friends in town to shop and eat, catching up on my sleep, finishing up a good book - these were just some of the other things I thought I could be doing with my time on a Sunday. Especially since I felt so useless in the choir. But through it all, I kept reminding myself of my reason for even committing to the rally in the first place last year in September. I wanted to come back to Him. And so, every sacrifice I had to make, I literally envisioned myself offering it up to Him. I constantly reminded myself everyday of a very simple prayer I pray every day and every time I feel inclined to give in to my own desires.

Let everything I do be for You, dear Jesus. Let every sacrifice I make be for You. Turn every 'no' I say to myself into a 'yes' for You.

And now that the rally is over, I don't feel satisfied that I have managed to see it through all the way. I don't feel happy that I have my Sundays to myself again. I feel so empty, so hollow, so lost that I can't help the tears that are falling now as I sit here in reflection of my rally journey. And yet on the other hand, there's also this sense of overwhelming joy inside that I can't explain, and the knowledge that the emptiness will pass just as the rally has passed me by comforts me greatly. Just as I was telling someone the other day - emotions are transient, even the deepest hurt will come to pass with time. Lots of time, maybe, but yes. What will stay with us once all the temporary feelings leave though, is what we have learnt from the entire experience.

p/s: I'm sorry for this overdue post. It was saved in the draft entries for the longest time ever and I only noticed it tonight when I came on with the intention of posting something else up.

*kel