Love in a Song

This is a song that I felt every word was really meaningful and deep.


Sometimes when we touch by Dan Hill

You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly

At times I understand you
And I know how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by

At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xnyHG96vY8

Joel

Childlike!

Haha I really love this picture of this aunty with her cute boy!

Went through many thought processes for the past few days but haven't been disciplined enough to pen them down. The two main things I want to talk about is regarding the child in every individual and about the movie- Evan Almighty!

For tonight I will just be touching on,

Child in every individual:

At night, I went for my platoon gathering at East Coast Chalet. I was playing pool with my friends over there and I stayed behind to wait for my parents to pick me up when the game was over.

What happened next was nostalgic and amusing. (in a positive way of course)

There was a group of children that took over the pool table. I had a great time looking at them (not that I am paedophilic) trying REALLY really hard getting just one ball in. They seem so contented and carefree playing though we know they probably do not know any techniques or the rules to play a game of pool to begin with. Neither were they bothered with the fact that they took around 15 mins just to get a ball in.

It was then that I was thinking, "how wonderful and happy to be a child!" There must be reasons why Jesus places so much emphasis on children and perhaps has a very special place for them in His heart.

I realised that as we mature, we have our worries and having to treat things seriously(like duh, Joel, we have to behave like adults). We have a natural tendency to carry ourselves professionally or being sensible when we meet strangers/ new people.

Definitely, there is a need for us to handle things maturely, on a more serious note to maintain the discipline and structure of our society.

However, I feel really sad for those who has lost the child in them and has covered it with many layers of stuff. I am sure all of you had experienced those people who has the ALL work NO play policy, or seem to have a "special" ability to "suck up" any happiness from any atmosphere the moment they enter.

I believe there is a child in us, perhaps somewhere deep in our hearts. Okay, perhaps a little deeper. Whenever there is an opportunity, let's reveal a little bit of that child in us each day. I am sure any environment will then be a more pleasant place to be in.

After all, we are Children of God, not Adults of God.

God bless,

Joel

Your identity? my identity? huh?

I have unknowingly discovered a bit more about myself. I have realised the difficulty and the immense effort (including a great leap of faith of course) needed to build my self esteem through the identity I have in Christ. There are a myriad of factors and things that people built their self esteem on.

Be it just pure ego thinking they are so darn good, feeling great just having a stack of money, accumulating achievements etc. I realised how subtly I was influenced by them as well. It feels really good, being visually satisfied and proud when I see myself having loads of money or imaging myself being free on a date with a pretty, sweet girl. Having them are definitely good stuff but I feel my main drive/motivation and the centre of my self esteem must not be built on such stuff. I find it pretty amusing how I need them to lift my self- esteem up at times.

Looking back, many individuals based their self esteem similar to mine. I believe that striving for all these are definitely part and parcel of life, but it becomes depressing if people changes their principles and core values in pursue for such things.

It has always been a constant struggle for me and with the aim to place Jesus in the centre (not out of the centre with other stuff). I shall "strive to enter through the narrow gate"-Luke 13:24, waiting for the day where He will say "Well done, good and faithful servant!".

Joel

God sends: His chosen people

This entry came about due to one of my reflections that I had during Easter and something that I would like to hold on to for a very long time.

In the past (When I was around 7 years old), I was this spoilt little kid with a ponytail and had no friends around me. You can say that I didn't have a happy childhood or must be wondering how ridiculous it is for someone to have no friends at all. Sadly, it is true and I spent 8 years living in loneliness and I could say that I had been through loads of shit, perhaps even swimming through pools of it through these 8 years.

I had a lovely family. They loved me but the fact that they couldn't understand me and parents do not really pay much attention to little kids in general. Hence, I was on this road of pain on my own.

Once or twice, I thought I made friends. However, it always turned out to be false hope, resulting in a backstab or being used as a joke. Days... Weeks... Years... had passed and hurts had been accumulating throughout the years and made me into a youth that hated the world and profanities came out of my mouth ASAP.

Hated God, wanted to end it all....

Walking towards His Marvellous Light


God showed me His Light when I went through the cathechism's classes in Sec 2-3 and met a group of true friends whom decided to be with me despite of my vulgarities and my rotten-ness.

I began to change. Slowly but surely.

2003 was the year of conversion for me

I had this teacher that guided me to establish a personal relationship with HIM. I had a teacher that cared and loved me. Besides that, I met many people that became my close friends and helped me to build a strong foundation.

My eldest brother, always by my side to guide me and help me.

Clement, my second altar boy brudda! , to assist me when I am in need. Anytime, Any where

2006, met my da jie- Jules, allowed me to be saturated in my abilities.

All these people, I treasured these gifts from God and given a big portion of my heart to them and to my parents. I am really thankful for you guys, for always being with me and standing by me.

I am glad I had experienced much, for now I am able to love much.

Thank You, Lord

Joel

God: the want to end all wants

i was reflecting on my shopping habits today, and something struck me.

i never run out of things that i want. i never run out of tops that i want, new skirts that i see and then want, earrings, jeans, sweaters, everything. everytime i go shopping, there's something new i want almost immediately after picking up the things i'd wanted previously.

i'm never satisfied.

take my soci test, for example. after the test, i knew i didn't do so good, and i knew that it was one of those papers i'd be lucky to get a B for. but when i got my paper back yesterday and saw a B+ scribbled at the bottom margin, my heart just sank and disappointment flashed through me. the plus wasn't significant, the fact that i got the B i knew i'd be lucky to get didn't mean anything to me - at that point in time, i just felt disappointed that it wasn't an A. there and then, i'd wanted an A. nevermind the fact that the B was something i'd wanted before i got the test back, the moment i got the paper back and i managed to secure the B+, i began to wish it were an A.

wanting isn't wrong in itself. it's excessive wants that could cause slightly more trouble. when you keep wanting something new the moment you've fulfilled a previous need or want, you become greedy. some people label such people as driven. i think that at the end of the day, such people end up sad and empty.

all the material wants and success we crave come about because there's a gap in our lives that need to be filled, and we don't realise it. we don't realise why we feel so empty, we don't realise that the gap is too deep to be filled by the continuous fulfilling of wants, one after the other. we fail to realise that the achievement of the want isn't the end, it just brings about another want that we immediately seek to get, precisely because there's a deeper gap in our lives that all the fulfilling of material wants could never fill.

shopping for pretty things does put me in a good mood. i'll admit it. i like my shopping, i like my food, i like my good grades. i used to be a strong advocate of retail-therapy because i thought i always felt better after a good shopping trip. but what i just realised is that while i felt satisfaction at the moment i managed to get a good buy and satisfaction yet again when i come home and assess my wares for the day - the satisfaction doesn't last through the night. when i get up the next morning, the exhiliration of the previous day dissipates and i just want to shop again. same with food. i'm a foodie. i enjoy my food. eating good food makes me happy when i'm eating, especially crabs. when i'm eating crabs, i usually feel so good that i feel like i'm in heaven on earth. but the ecstatic experience ends when the crab ends, when i finish up my last crab claw. when i go to bed at night, i just feel full from the meal and the happiness no longer lingers. and when i get up the next morning, i just feel like shitting and eating again.

why don't i want the one want that will end all wants? the want to end all wants - God. when i'm fulfilled in God, when i fulfill that want and i find God, there will no longer be that crazy emptiness that comes with the non-stop fulfilling of a million and one material wants.

i'm tired of wanting continually. of always wanting more when i've gotten something i'd previously wanted. i think a lot of people are - that's why they get so caught up with fulfilling want after want after want in a supremely vicious cycle. but they don't see that fulfilling X number of material wants or success wants will never fill up the gap in their lives. never. X is infinity, there's no fixed answer. it's not like X = 1000 or anything like that. it's more like X = X+1.

good luck to you to figuring out that equation. i never got it while i was doing math in secondary school.

so today, i resolve to make God my want in my life right now. i can see the gap in my life, i know that filling it with any number of pretty tops or skirts ain't ever gonna make me completely satisfied. there'll always be a newer, prettier top that i want to buy.

i know that filling the gap in my life with any number of As for my modules isn't gonna help either. there'll always be that A+ i could've gotten for that module, even though both A and A+ carries a 5.0 weightage for cap computation. which essentially makes getting that A+ redundant, because it won't make a difference to my cap score. it's just something that i can get, something that i can want to get.

but i also know that filling up the gap in my life with God is the only thing that won't lead to wanting more. there isn't a God+ or prettier, newer God to get. God is God, he is more than enough for me.



*kel