Walking in the desert. Be Unto Your Name Lord!

After the pinnicle of the rally, when all spiritual highness that everyone has experiened had died away, it was the moment for me to reflect what Lent is really about.

In the past, even for the first two weeks of Lent in 2006, Lent is as ordinary as any day in the rest of the year. However, this time, I wanted this period of Lent to be special and extraordinary to me. There must be a purpose for Lent but what is it for me?

Till now, I still recall how I managed to realise how Pride is one of the major obstacles for me through this friend of mine.

Being a class chairman and always having the perception that my assistant class chairman (Yuen Loong) pushes everything to me to do, I always enjoy putting him down each time he says some childish remarks or does some childish actions ever since the last year. Spending the first 2 weeks pondering on what my resolution should be and what can I do for this Lent? (Not what can Lent do for me?)

On the 31th of March, as both Yuen Loong and I was involved in the Sports Day, we were walking out of school to have lunch together after the meeting and a sense of calmness and grace just washed over me. I felt as though there was a great need to apologise to him and I was just feeling so remorseful on how badly I treated him for a year. Taking the opportunity that is placed before me, I apologised to him thinking that he would crap up some stuff to rub me off (which I well-deserved). I was wrong.

He said one sentence that made me realised how stupid I was, how foolish my past actions seemed to be.

He just said, "It was all in the past."

At that moment, a knot in my heart was untangled. All is well. Since that day, we've become good friends.

This incident has created my resolution : To love all. Love is the message I carry through Lent and I knew that I would not have apologised to Yuen Loong without the grace of God. How wonderful He works! This has revealed the pride in me, unwilling to reconcile with my brother and always thinking that my perception is right.

"If you bring your gift to the altar, and there recall that your brother has anything against you, leave your gift there at the altar, go first and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift."- Matthew 5:23-24 (this time it's me that have sinned against my brother)

"After this he went out and saw a tax collector named Levi sitting at the customs post. He said to him, "Follow me." And leaving everything behind, he got up and followed him. Then Levi gave a great banquet for him in his house, and a large crowd of tax collectors and others were at table with them. The Pharisees and their scribes complained to his disciples, saying, "Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?"

Jesus said to them in reply, "Those who are healthy do not need a physician, but the sick do. I have not come to call the righteous to repentance but the sinners." "- Luke 5: 27-32

Just imagine this: It's dinner time at Levi's house, and his friends are sitting around, talking and laughing as they waited for him. But when he walks in, the room goes silent. He looks like a new man, beside Jesus, so full of peace and grace.

This Lent has become more unique for me, though I may sin, I know that HIS arms are always open wide to receive me back into His Kingdom-That's the power of His Love. How I long to die to myself and become more like Jesus, to become a New Creation, to become like Levi, a changed man. That's what my Lent is about. How about yours?

-Joel

"People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centred.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior movites.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be fogotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honsty and frankness makes you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you've got anyway."
- mother teresa

I have been lonely! Yes, loneliness has struck even amid the many people I've surrounded myself with. In today's uber fast paced urban society, people are becoming increasingly lonely. It's a fact. Even though people are MORE in contact with one another with the aid of all the technology available - SMS, emails, MSN, the phone.. And yet, have you ever experienced that strange sensation, of feeling so alone in a crowd? I have! It's a really funny feeling, but it's so real.

But wait, hang on. Just what is 'loneliness', you may ask! According to the Longman Dictionary of Contemporary English, the word 'lonely'means to be unhappy because you are alone and feel that you do not have anyone to talk to. We humans are such feel-y creatures! So many things we do stem from what we feel. So anyway. I was feeling rather lonely the last week after coming from a more or less peaceful preceding week. Monday rolled by and even though I was meeting a friend for dinner, I couldn't help but feel unloved in general! On Tuesday, I met some of my old classmates for dinner and the lonely bug really bit me then. Some of them had brought along their boyfriends, and incidentally, I'm one of the two of us left unattached. It's silly I know, to feel unloved, unwanted etc. But I'm silly so often, and that's beside the point. It was at that point when I think I began to wallow in my self-pity. I was practically throwing a pity party for myself! Thinking despondent thoughts about wanting to just stay in bed and hide from the world, about how I was never going to fulfill my dream of having 11 kids (to form a football team) because I'm just so unlovable. You get my drift!

By Wednesday night, I realised what I was doing (enjoying my sad pity party) and decided to hit the books - my Bible, Rick Warren's Answers to Life's Difficult Questions and the Word Among Us. My readings led me to read about Paul's captivity in prison and his loneliness there - and I was thoroughly inspired by Paul's indomitable spirit. Even though he was forced to be alone in his cell, cut off from all his friends and the outside world, Paul didn't sit in a corner and cry, thinking sad thoughts about what he could be doing if he weren't imprisoned. Instead, the Bible tells us that Paul made good use of his time in prison. He studied and wrote some of the letters in the Bible today.

Which is what I should be doing! No no, not writing letters or studying. I mean making good use of my alone time.
"If life gives you a lemon, make lemonade."
So what I can do with all my time alone now is to make lemondade! Do some inner soul-searching to clear out the debris in my life, familiarize myself with the Bible, clean out the clutter in my room, read a few more books, listen to some good music.

To end off, I shall share one of the comforting verses that really popped in my face while I was reading.
God has said, "I will never leave you; I will never abandon you." -Hebrews 13:5
That's His promise to me and an assurance of His presence even when the feeling of being close to Him dwindles.



*kel

The last week for me has been surprisingly good. I've been finding the time to do my QT and reflection almost every night. And I realise that building up a relationship with Him is really a personal choice that each one of us has to make. A close relationship with anybody doesn't just happen like that. Time and effort is needed to cultivate the intimacy. Similarly, a relationship with our Father doesn't just become a certain way overnight. I think personally for me, I can say with conviction now that I do have a relationship with God. It's coming slowly but surely with all the time I put aside each day especially for Him. Reading my bible before I go to sleep, ending my day with a prayer, deep in conversation with Him, beginning my day with a quick word of thanks that I'm alive another day. Even just talking to my dear Lord Jesus in my heart everyday when I'm at work in the office, doing my filing or typing, knowing that He is listening to every complaint I have.

I do have to say though, that sometimes I have to rely on blind, child-like faith to pull me through the days when it seems like He's not there. It's like, I just know deep inside me that He hasn't abandoned me EVEN THOUGH it seems like it. It goes beyond rational thought, our religion. And the bottomline is, what íf you think too much about the Hows and Whys of our entire religion and relationship with Him, skepticism may start to sink in. That's where faith steps in. That may be why the really brilliant scientists in our world both in the past and present were and are atheists. I'm far from being a brilliant thinker myself but my mind does tend to have curious tendencies, and as such, I used to question many aspects of our Catholic faith. I asked my dad how he knew that Jesus really died for us 2000 years ago. I asked my mom why the martyred saints allowed themselves to be killed when there was an alternative to life. Even quite recently in one of the bible classes on Thursday, I asked Cyril (the facilitator) why God had demanded animal sacrifices when the practice in itself is so cruel. Nevertheless, I've stopped wondering if God is real because I just BELIEVE He is, and that's enough for me now. (I used to wonder about that cos I'd never seen God, and neither had my parents or anyone I knew.)

Oops sorry, I seem to have really digressed. Where was I? Oh yes, relationships.

I honestly fully believe that God hasn't left me alone in this world to struggle through life without the necessary help. He gave me a wonderful community in ZJ - which very importantly, didn't give up on me, even when I pulled several irresponsible disappearing acts with no notice. I think that I did take my church community for granted too often in the past, which I feel now was really terrible of me. I only went for their sessions during the holidays and then made no conscious effort to continue going for the weekly meetings once school term began. Looking back now, I realise that I was being exceedingly childish, not at all mature as I had perceived myself to be then. Heh. It seems like I've got a lot of growing up to do still. Reality bites!

He also gave me this closer group of friends that we've named the little rocks, and it was only when we started this blog that I really began reflecting deeper about my faith and more importantly, actively pursuing that relationship with Him. I began setting aside more and more time each week, each day, to spend exclusively with Him. It was also with this group, with my fellow rocks, that I began opening up and sharing with others about what my God means to me. Before this, it was all input and no output. But now, there's a bit of both.

And. Last but not least, He gave me my inner circle of family and friends to journey with me. One friend I must mention in particular is Trina, whose presence in my life these days have become increasingly important. The most remarkable thing that He has done so far is to give the both of us almost exactly the same set of circumstances, the same emotions running through us and wrecking us inside - all so that she can understand exactly what I'm going through and vice versa. It's amazing, how our lives have been almost parallel ever since this year began. Things that I never imagined she would understand having never gone through the same thing before - she does too now. And what struck me was the preciseness of both our parallel lives, how the same thing seemed to happen to us at around the same time. It's almost as if God is showing me: Look here, I can't be down here with you sharing in your pain, but I give you your best friend, who will know exactly how you feel, because I will give her the same set of situations to grapple with.

When I was talking to her the other day, sharing with her about what was making me so eaten up inside, she totally surprised me when she said that she knew exactly what I was going through.. because she felt the same way too. Then she proceeded to tell me about what was going on in her life, and the similarities that unfolded left me in awe at His preciseness. Coincidence? I don't think so. That night, we spoke til very late, about how we both felt that He planned this especially so we wouldn't feel so alone in our struggles, about how different we both are but so inherently similar that it's like looking at 2 sides of the same coin sometimes, about how we both knew that He has plans for us in the future... so many things that we talked about. And I went to bed that night (morning? heh) feeling extremely comforted. Who needs a guy when I have my God-given girlfriend with me! Hah!

I've still got a gazillion things to learn about Him, to learn about my walk with Him, but I'm reallyreallyreally glad for all the friends and people He has planted around me to guide me on my Calvary here on earth. You all know who you are - my darling rocks, my dear rhinos, all my wonderful people in ZJ, my lovely pals, my sweet little sister, my loving family, my OTHER sister Tri and so many others! For all of you I've mentioned and all others I may have unintentionally missed out: I love you all tonnes and I know now that I would not be the person you see today if He hadn't put you all in my life.


*kel

So, it's a Monday night and I'm sitting here in front of my computer after work. Feeling super tired still, feeling nicely full from the dinner my mom made, and.. what's this? A strange emptiness inside. The rally on Saturday was fantastic. And it's over.

The last 3 months have been tough, I won't lie about it and say that I enjoyed every single choir practice I had. Oftentimes, I felt like I was just in the choir because I couldn't do anything else. Some Sundays, I wouldn't feel like going down because there were so many other things I could be doing with my time. Meeting my friends in town to shop and eat, catching up on my sleep, finishing up a good book - these were just some of the other things I thought I could be doing with my time on a Sunday. Especially since I felt so useless in the choir. But through it all, I kept reminding myself of my reason for even committing to the rally in the first place last year in September. I wanted to come back to Him. And so, every sacrifice I had to make, I literally envisioned myself offering it up to Him. I constantly reminded myself everyday of a very simple prayer I pray every day and every time I feel inclined to give in to my own desires.

Let everything I do be for You, dear Jesus. Let every sacrifice I make be for You. Turn every 'no' I say to myself into a 'yes' for You.

And now that the rally is over, I don't feel satisfied that I have managed to see it through all the way. I don't feel happy that I have my Sundays to myself again. I feel so empty, so hollow, so lost that I can't help the tears that are falling now as I sit here in reflection of my rally journey. And yet on the other hand, there's also this sense of overwhelming joy inside that I can't explain, and the knowledge that the emptiness will pass just as the rally has passed me by comforts me greatly. Just as I was telling someone the other day - emotions are transient, even the deepest hurt will come to pass with time. Lots of time, maybe, but yes. What will stay with us once all the temporary feelings leave though, is what we have learnt from the entire experience.

p/s: I'm sorry for this overdue post. It was saved in the draft entries for the longest time ever and I only noticed it tonight when I came on with the intention of posting something else up.

*kel

The Heart of Worship. Climbing up Mt. Zion.

Yes, finally! After digging up practically all the dusty and dirty things in my storeroom and my room, I've managed to found something that tells me most principles concerning- Having the Heart of Worship. Phew!

Before divulging anything further, there are some areas that I would like to share with all of you, my dear brothers and sisters.

At a praise and worship, are there times where you felt that you don't have the "oomph" (the special feeling that makes you to just surrender everything and just want to praise HIM) and totally felt that Jesus was not present there? How about the times where you're so distracted when the musicians/ worship leaders that are supposed to lead you into worship becomes an obstacle instead of a guide to bring you to HIM? Getting distracted when the worship leaders went off-key/sound awful, musicians playing the wrong chord etc? Or when pride takes over and at times you feel you can even do better than them (Singing/playing/leading) = Pride?

These was how I used to feel and I always ponder on how we can have a heart of worship for our God...
At this point in time, you must be asking: "Joel! What are the steps for me to have a heart of worship! How should we be really approaching each praise and worship?"

Now, it's time for me to reveal the notes that I found!

Last year, a group of us from Zion's Joy went for the "Integrity Media Asia and Campus Crusade Worship Seminar-2005" and the topic was on : " Developing a Biblical View of Intimate Worship" by Robert Brenner from Integrity Music.

He had shared with us TEN major worship principles which I had found them really meaningful and had made me to have a clearer picture on the concept of having a heart of worship.

Worship Principles:

1. Worship is central to life.

2. Worship is a journey, not a destination (Worship is not just being there during the praise and worship, but living our lives out as a worship to God. Living worship as a lifestyle)

3. True worship is an obedient response to God, His call and His work in our lives.

4. Worship is ultimately about substance, not form or style.

5. Intimate worship comes as the results of "knowing" God as a friend (e.g David & Moses)

6. The call to lead worshippers is to faithfully bring others to that "river of worship" and offer them the opportunity to "jump into" God's presence and know His Glory--> In short, Bringing Jesus to others, and others to Jesus through worship. *However, we must be good worshippers as well.

7. Worship is about SURRENDER, not performance.

8. True worship causes others to see "Christ in you, the hope of glory"

9. Worship IS Jesus.

10. Worship is a CHOICE. (If we just based on feelings, aren't we doing Jesus an injustice? He deserves to be Praised all the time!)

I think most of you have gotten most of your questions answered by just these 10 principles and I agree it is truly difficult trying to achieve a heart of worship but we shall all try as a community. Amen?

Testimony

An affirmation from God

After the session, we had a long period of prayer and during the prayer, Robert Brenner had a message from God. He said, "there is something joyful over there, on my left (which is the right side of the theater, pointing around Our area) , definitely something about Joy. The Lord is pleased with your group and is asking you to continue with your ministry to administer to your people."

It was only when Mervyn Lek told me that I realised that Robert Brenner was talking about us. Zion's Joy. When I heard that, I was just so impressed and amazed on how God works through His people. How profound and complex is Our God! Till now, I take this to heart and I hope that this testimony will be a confirmation to all my fellow ZJ members and all of our brothers and sisters out there who are working endlessly in their ministries to give Our God the glory. Hang in there! Our Lord affirms and guide, precise and accurate all the time. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you."

" True Worship is to be so personally and hopelessly in love with God that the idea of a transfer of affection (doing anything else) never even remotely exists" A.W Tozer

Joel

Youth Rally 2006

Hey fellow little rocks of Christ!!! Here I am to make some noice in this blog again! It has been quite long since there was an entry ya?
Indeed, the youth rally 2006 has just passed. Indeed, thinking about it again, I feel that the youth rally simply flashed past before me. I could still remember the first time we were splitted up into our various groups like the choir (which I was in), the actors/actresses, the logistics etc. I could still vividly remember the practices we had gone through! The long hours... the joy, sadness as well as frustration. But then it was today that GOD showed me what he meant when he said that HE will make things happen.. as long as we journey in faith together. As the scriptures said, " when two or three are gathered in my name, there I will be in their midst". And indeed today, GOD was there.Coming to think of it, I think that this event was a blink of an eye for me. I feel that it has passed by too fast. I could still not believe that the event has passed. Looking at the SYDR website again, it brings me back to the stage when we were still practising. Indeed, I am still trying to come to terms that this event has passed. Because this event was AWESOME (and I seriously mean it) and yet it passed too fast for me.
Indeed, there was much energy chanelled through forms of music and praise and acting. There was much joy and everyone enjoyed.. with people joining in the worship, clapping and singing as one BIG COMMUNITY!!! But amidst all these joy and energy, what made this rally SO UNFORGETTABLE for me is the adoration. As all of you all are aware, during adoration, there was the presence of the blessed sacrament. I can honestly tell you that my knees were trembling during the presence of the blessed sacrament and I simply felt weak. I could literally feel the might of CHRIST, which was why I was feeling weak in HIS presence. I was on the verge of going to the backstage to take a rest. But then, God whispered to me and said this," DO NOT BE AFRAID" . This feeling of comfort was further sparked off when when one of our fellow brothers shared about the footprints in the sand. At that moment, I was touched by that message and i stayed on and praise the LORD, I managed to last throughout the whole rally. So I want to give A BIG THANK YOU to GOD who made all these things possible for me and for each and everyone of US!!!
Indeed, the rally was a huge success, not because the people were clapping, but really to me, it was a huge success because GOD's presence was felt!!! ALLELUIA!! Praise the LORD !!! So, my brothers and sisters, does this mean our job has ended? If u think so... you are........ WRONG!!! because this is just one small part of a big milestone as what one of our fellow brothers said. EVANGELISATION should not only be conducted during the rally, but it should be conducted AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE!!! Also, even though the rally has ended, dun forget to continuously seek CHRIST. That's what the rally was all about, to kick-start this search. Now, it's up to us to seek him further and to truly discover HIS marvellous works in us!!! ok.. it's getting late.. gonna stop here!!! PRAISE THE LORD ONCE AGAIN!!!

-Jerry-

ATTENTION!
Serangoon Youth District Rally (SYDR)
Date : 11 March 2006 (Sat)
Time : 6pm - 9.30pm
Venue : SJI Performing Arts Centre

Guest speaker : Fr. Simon Pereira

It would be an evening of fun, praise & worship, drama, testimonies and adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. Please bring along your non-Catholic friends/relatives. For more information please visit http://www.sydonline.org/crossroadsrally