Pride and forgiveness

What seemed to have started out as a dreary, work-filled weekend has actually concluded on a more or less lighter note for me! Throughout the weekend, I've been grappling with the issues of PRIDE, and FORGIVENESS. You may be wondering like, huh? How come she's suddenly so random. Pride and forgiveness aren't exactly synonymous with each other. Patience my good friends! Bear with me as I get to my point. It's not exactly easy to word out my thoughts on this particular issue, simply because I'm still raw from the emotions involved.

Okay, let me start by admitting one of by biggest hidden weaknesses. It's so hidden that I barely recognise it in myself most of the time. It is Pride. Yeah, you may be thinking that that's no big deal, that everyone possesses a certain degree of pride in some form or the other. In fact, males are often seen to possess such pride in excessive quantities in the form of the tender Male Ego. Heh. But anyway, moving rapidly on. In what ways has this particular sin manifested itself in me? Oh, in many many small, subtle ways! Really, the Evil One has his sneaky ways of doing his works here on earth. He plants his small malicious seeds of sin in the hearts of us humans, deceiving us into thinking that there's nothing seriously wrong with doing/thinking something, simply because society claims it to be the norm. For me, I never really thought that pride was an issue with me because I didn't think that I looked down on people or thought I was exceptionally better than others. These are just some forms of the sin we all know as pride. But upon deeper reflection, I realised that my unwillingness to forgive IS a form of pride too.

Without elaborating too much, I basically had a lot of trouble truly forgiving some people for all the hurt, whether intentional or unintentional, that they had caused me. It has been difficult in the sense that although I tell myself that yes, I've forgiven him/her, deep within me still lies this resentment towards the person which I try to cover with layers and layers of... i don't know what. Heh. And upon further contemplation this weekend, I surmised that this deeply felt resentment is due to my pride. Simply put, I am unable to truly forgive because I am too proud to let the particular affliction to my pride just slide by me. My pride insists that I never forget what he/she has done to me and keeps dredging up the wounded feeling revisiting the particular incidents bring.

So on Friday night, after realising that my pride is my bondage and obstacle to true forgivness, I felt compelled to look up at the crucifix hanging on my bedroom wall. As I turned my eyes literally heavenward (cos my crucifix is hung quite high up), I was suddenly very aware of a huge feeling of overwhelming shame at my own pettiness. Because. As I was staring up at the cross, I remembered that Jesus so wholeheartedly and sincerely forgave those who had inflicted the ultimate physical pain of crucifixion and death onto Him with the words: "Forgive them, Father! They don't know what they are doing." (Luke 23:34) It then struck me that if Jesus could forgive those who sentenced Him to die, why can't I find it in my selfish human heart to forgive those who have inflicted what I have perceived to be deep hurts to me? My 'hurts' are nothing compared to Jesus's suffering!

What totally convinced me that my inability to truly forgive was at the crux of my uneasiness of mind throughout the last week came in the form of constant reassurances from Him. On Friday night when I was just about to go to sleep, a tune came to my head and I started humming it out loud. After a while, the words of the song came to me, and I realised that it was Loving and Forgiving.

Loving and forgiving are you, Oh Lord.
Slow to anger, rich in kindness.
Loving and forgiving are You.

The Lord is slow to anger and rich in kindness. And so so so forgiving!

Then just today, when I was reading the Catholic News in the toilet, I came across this tiny article on page 16 about Singaporeans' favourite Christian songs, according to an online poll done. One of the songs on the list was He, which is by the way, my all time favourite song. I've loved it ever since I was a little girl going for mass on Sunday, even before I could truly comprehend the words. All I knew was that I loved it because the song comforted me greatly and made me feel safe. When I started to play hymns on the piano, this was among the first songs I learnt to play, and I used to play this song whenever I felt down and out.

So I started singing the song as I was in the shower, to remind myself of the comfort I used to derive simply from hearing the song. Having felt rather down and out the last few weeks.

He can turn the tide, and calm the angry sea.
He alone decides who writes a symphony.
He can take the stars, and make the darkness bright.
He keeps watch all through each long and loney night.
He still finds the time to hear a child's first prayer.
Saints or sinners call and always find Him there.
Though it makes Him sad to see the way we live

then the last line came out from my lips and it felt like stunned for a moment at the preciseness of it all.

He'll always say:
I forgive.



It was a bit like a splash of ice cold water on the face, a tight slap, if you'll have it. I felt that He was asking, that if in spite of all our sins, He will always say "I forgive", then why can't you say "I forgive" and actually mean it when someone has caused you pain? Hello, Jesus forgave those who KILLED Him!

Because it is getting late and I feel like I'm going round in circles, I shall end off here. But the bottomline is that by constantly reminding myself of Jesus's own example of selfless forgiveness, I believe I will someday be able to really walk in His footsteps and forgive those who I feel have hurt me with all my heart, with no more bitterness. Just His limitless love.


*kel

HE HEARS ME WHEN I CALL

Hello Universe!
For those literature lovers, I am rather sure that you would find this interesting. Today, I had literature lesson with dearest Mrs. D Tan! She was going through a new poem entitled, On His Blindness by John Milton. The poem had an impact on me when Mrs. Tan went into in-depth analysis and so I decided to share it! (:

But before I begin,
Have you ever wondered what serving God was all about?
Was it because my close friends were serving him, so I want to be 'in' so I do the same?
Or was it because I serve due to the fact that I didn't have anything else to do?

How do you define serving?
Many people out there would simply reply saying that by using our talents that God gave us, we are considered to be serving him.
Or just by helping someone in need is serving him.
But what are talents?
Do we really know what the real definition is?
Or are you still clueless as to what talents you have?
Ever wondered where and when do we use these talents?

There are so many ways in which we can serve our beautiful Lord. However, we can’t possibly do everything. But have you started with yourself? How you, yourself, your life, the everyday things that you face could become part of serving and giving glory to him.

Anyway, on his blindness, by John Milton was written in the 1660s. Milton is seen as a very religious man who speaks about God in all of the poems that he has composed. In his youth, he was preparing himself to join the priesthood which he eventually did not. But that's not my point here. So here is how the poem goes:

On His Blindness
WHEN I consider how my light is spent
E're half my days, in this dark world and wide,
And that one Talent which is death to hide,
Lodg'd with me useless, though my Soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest he returning chide,
Doth God exact day-labour, light deny'd,
I fondly ask; But patience to prevent
That murmur, soon replies, God doth not need
Either man's work or his own gifts, who best
Bear his milde yoak, they serve him best, his State
Is Kingly. Thousands at his bidding speed
And post o're Land and Ocean without rest:
They also serve who only stand and waite.

The poem depicts the life of a speaker who is losing his eyesight and because he was losing one of his senses, he pondered the fact that if it was gone, how he was going to serve God. Without his sight he would not be able to write anymore about God, and that was his talent. So here in the poem we are reminded of the parable of the 3 servant and their master who entrusted talents to them in Matthew 25: 14-30. What do we choose to do with these talents?

Since the speaker was losing his eyesight, he began to question God, "I fondly ask" without the sight, how was he going to serve Him. And like Jerry's testimony of God coming in a gentle whisper, God was depicted as "patience" who replied with a "murmur".

This is the part where it had a great impact: "God doth not need/ either man’s work or his own gifts, who best/ bear his milde yoak, they serve him best." I didn't understand it at first because it was written in old English but after Mrs. Tan explain, I was simply stunned.
That phrase simply means, "God does not need the gifts of man nor their talents for them to serve him. Even if we didn't use them he didn't mind. But those who can carry and endure their suffering and burden, they serve him the best."

I was just struck with awe at that moment because I was thinking about what talents I have and how and when did I use them to serve him. At that point, Mrs. Tan explained that phrase to us, and gosh, it felt as though He, our mighty, loving God was speaking to me! That it was just not our talents that we could use to serve him. Even our daily struggles and toils would do.

So serving is not just about using our talents and getting the credit or getting the status that we want.
It is not about doing what others are doing.
Instead,
It is about doing what YOU KNOW IS RIGHT and most importantly having that STRONG DESIRE TO DO IT.
So I guess the starting point of serving Him is ourselves, we can begin from the basic of just clinging on dearly to him, when we are facing the constant obstacles. For when we can conquer serving him that way, then we are able to serve him in other ways.

I was awe-struck too by the fact that Milton manage to radiate his strong love and passion for God through these simple 14 lines. And the fact that he also showed us that people back at his time, 1660s would follow Christ and spread his word over land and ocean without rest ( "thousands at his bidding speed/ and post o’re land and ocean without rest") . Such conviction and passion for our Lord they had, makes me feel so ashamed.

Remember there is nothing that we cannot conquer in life! "I can do everything through him who strengthens me" (philippians 4:13)
Like what I told a close friend, the sun will definitely shine after a rainy day! (:

Till the next time, God Bless You!

-Julie.

Luke 15:11-32

Luke 15:11-32
The parable of the prodigal son.

Argh! I really wanted to blog about this tonight but I'm so tired! So this will have to be a space filler first. And also to remind me of what it was I wanted to say.

And this also!

Loving and forgiving are you, O Lord
Slow to anger, rich in kindess
Loving and forgiving are you.

Aiyoh. I'm bursting to share this but my eyes are closing on me. I hope this same enthusiasm will still be there when I'm free to sit and articulate my thoughts either tomorrow or Sunday.


*kel

Footprints In The Sand

FOOTPRINTS...A New Version

Imagine you and the Lord Jesus are walking down the road together. For much of the way, the Lord's footprints go along steadily,consistently, rarely varying the pace. But your footprints are a disorganized stream of zigzags, starts,stops, turnarounds, circles, departures, and returns.

For much of the way, it seems to go like this, but gradually your footprints come more in line with the Lord's, soon parallelingHis consistently. You and Jesus are walking as true friends! This seems perfect, but then an interesting thing happens: Your footprints that once etched the sand next to Jesus' are now walking precisely in His steps. Inside His larger footprints are your smaller ones, you and Jesus are becoming one.

This goes on for many miles, but gradually you notice another change. The footprints inside the large footprints seem togrow larger. Eventually they disappear altogether. There is only one set of footprints. They have become one.

This goes on for a long time, but suddenly the second set offootprints is back. This time it seems even worse! Zigzags all overthe place. Stops. Starts. Gashes in the sand. A variable mess of prints. You are amazed and shocked.

Your dream ends. Now you pray: "Lord, I understand the first scene, with zigzags and fits. I was a new Christian; I was just learning. But You walked on through the storm and helped me learn to walk with You."

"That is correct."

"And when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours, I was actually learning to walk in Your steps, following You very closely."

"Very good.. You have understood everything so far."

When the smaller footprints grew and filled in Yours, I suppose that I was becoming like You in every way."

"Precisely."

"So, Lord, was there a regression or something? The footprints separated, and this time it was worse than at first." There is a pause as the Lord answers, with a smile in His voice. "You didn't know? It was then that we danced!"

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: A time to weep, a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and atime to dance. Ecclesiastes 3:1,4.

I ASKED GOD I asked for a flower,
He gave me a garden.
I asked for a tree,
He gave me a forest.
I asked for a river,
He gave me an ocean.
I asked for a friend,
He gave me "YOU."

-Joel

See You face to face.

Sitting at my desk in the office yesterday, going through the monotonous actions of typing in the data and folding the tax invoices, I was suddenly conscious of a huge wave of negativity welling up in my heart. I think it was cos I was thinking about all that had happened the past week. So much in such a small space of time! Relationships have gone topsy-turvy, my own physical self so tired out that I dozed off in the toilet TWO DAYS while at work and nearly fell into the toilet bowl (the squatting kind), hearing about certain people again. Aiyah, I could just go on complaining about how badly my week went.

But I shan't! Because that isn't the point of my post.

My point is that while I was feeling super low and overwhelmed with the sudden compulsion to cry and cry, this song suddenly popped into my head.


Say the word and I will sing for You
Over oceans deep I will follow
If each star was a song
And every breath of wind praise
It would still fail by far to say
All my heart contains
I simply live, I simply live for You.

As the glory of Your presence now fills this place
In worship we will see You face to face
There is nothing in this world to which You can be compared
Glory on glory, praise upon praise
You bind the broken-hearted
And save all my tears
And by Your Word You set the captives free
There is nothing in this world
That You cannot do
I simply live, I simply live for You.


And for a good long while, I couldn't think of the reason why this song kept playing itself over and over in my head. Then when I got back home and did a lyrics search for the song, I realised why! As you might have already noticed, I've bolded the bits that really struck me.

To understand the song's significance, I had to cast my mind back to the Kelly of 4 or 5 years ago. On that day, my 13 year old self was sitting in the prayer room in IJ, feeling as though my heart was breaking. You have to understand though, that what made me feel so utterly torn then probably wouldn't have the same effect on me now. I was crying my heart out over my Math results (heh) and feeling so so alone because EVERYONE in my class did really well for it. I can't remember what I got now, but all I know is I was absolutely terrified of what my dad would say. All I remember now is his constantly high expectations where my academic results were concerned, especially for Math and Science (cos he was good at those while at school). So anyway on that particular afternoon, I was sitting in the prayer room, not daring to go home but not knowing where else to go either. I tucked myself into a little corner behind a pillar and hugged my knees close to me, craving for some form of physical comfort from a friend. But as it was, it was quite late after school and no one was around. My mind began to wander, began to think of all the possible harsh words my father would yell at me. What I was most afraid of him saying was that I didn't try hard enough. Everytime he said those words you didn't try hard enough, I would burst into tears because those words hurt.

So as I sat in my corner curled up, I closed my eyes and just let my sadness wash over me. What happened next could have been purely a figment of my imagination, but I am convinced now that it wasn't. In the blackness of my closed eyes, I could see a very loving vision so clearly that my tears just flowed. No longer out of sadness, but out of joy. I saw Jesus with His arms outstretched to me. And I felt Him embrace me so tenderly that I didn't feel scared anymore. All I felt at that moment was a pure intense outpouring of love for me, and I was weeping with joy for it. I saw His beautiful loving face smiling as He took me by the hand, radiant with light and I don't know what else. That instant couldn't have lasted for more than a few minutes, but I felt like an enternity had passed. When the vision faded from my mind's eye and I opened my eyes again, my fear and sadness was completely completely gone and all that remained were the tears for having felt so unconditionally loved.

I know, the whole incident seems so surreal even as I relate it now. I remember telling my mother about my encounter with the Lord and I can still remember the tremor in her voice as she told me that I was extremely fortunate. She didn't disbelieve me at all. On the contrary, she seemed fully convinced of the authenticity of what I'd told her. And she kept asking me to retell what I'd told her. She wanted to know every detail.

It amazes and shames me to think that I could have forgotten this for all these years after that until on Monday, when I was overcome with that same hopelessness. He must have been trying to remind me of that moment in time 4 years ago.


*kel

Remembering Uncle Victor Samy

Today is the funeral of Uncle Victor Samy and he has returned to the Lord on Friday(17th Feb, 2006).

Till today, I haven't really gotten over the loss of Uncle Victor and my heart was weeping over him today during mass. I'm still in the state of shock as his death came as a surprise to all who knew him, as he had a sudden heart attack on last Friday. It feels really weird to grieve over the loss of your love ones but yet rejoicing, knowing that he is already in heaven with the Lord.

He was a Soldier for Christ, claiming many victories and territories for the Lord(A Jabez indeed!) and being so in-tuned with the Holy Spirit. Uncle Victor and his wife Auntie Margaret, has dedicated their lives entirely to God and spent the past 20+ years of their lives administering to many people- Uncle Victor able to touch people even in prison bars being a prison officer and the pair of them touching and converting so many people's lives (truly living their lives to the fullest and making fishers of men). Every night, they have the devotion to Mother Mary, going to various houses for 9 day novenas be at the house praying and leading the family, drawing them closer and taking that step towards Jesus and His mother.

I remembered him telling my family and I some conversion stories after praying the rosary(when the 9 days novena was being held at my house), it was like an re-enactment of Mary at the feet of Jesus, sitting there and listening to him, as if it was the very words that come from the mouth of Uncle Vic was of Jesus's and it was based on these testmonials and advices he gave me, that was the stepping stone to my spiritual journey to desire a personal relationship with Our God. He has fulfiled being the "light of the world and salt of the earth"- Matthew 5:13 being there to share his life with others. Picture this: A house having a chandelier that is lighted up and the light is so intensified and bright BUT you are standing outside the house. However, the light could still be seen as it floods out between the cracks on the door and gaps between the windows. That light was Uncle Victor.

Thank you Uncle Vic, for leading me to Jesus.

- Joel

GOD'S MIGHT AND A WHISPER

these little rocks of Christ

Hey Everyone!!! Actually what I am about to share happened yesterday.

The day started smoothly and normally. So I thought to myself," Today is going to be great!!!" But I was about to be proven wrong. When I went for the SYDR choir practice, frustration overwhelmed the whole place, people rushing each other as we were about to start late for our practice. The picture painted on most of their faces was a moody one. As a result, my mood was adversly affected. However, I believe that our GOD OF WONDERS will indeed work WONDERS during the whole rally practice. And the first significant sign came when we pratised our P&W songs!!! Everyone started dancing and worshipping!!! Praise the Lord!!! The conviction of their praise and worshipping truly showed me the might of GOD and convinced me that HE was indeed in our midst. After the first part of P&W practice, we had a break. During the midst of the break, my mood hit rock bottom again. I was in deep thought about some issues. And i sat down at one corner. looking up the sky, silently talking to GOD, hoping to find my answer. Just then, the rest of the JUST KIDDING gang came up to me and asked me what was wrong. I want to take this opportunity to apologise to them because I did not sound my issue, reason being tis not the right time yet. For this, I want to join my ZJ bro Joel in thanksgiving to GOD for granting me this wonderful and awesome group of friends. And thus came the last part of the P&W practice. Everyone was worn out due to the long day of practice, including me. I thought to myself," no matter how tired I am, i will still praise and worship HIM with all my might!!!" Part of the reason I wanted to truly praise and worship him was because I wanted to find my answer. But that is just but one of the many reasons why I wanted to truly worship HIM at that point of time. And thus the songs of worship and praise were played. And at that point of time, my spirit was lifted up to heaven's height again!!! Not only me, but the whole entire choir. We were once again dancing. This reminds me of one of the verses of a song titled," This Is How We Overcome". It goes like this," You Have Turned Our MOURNING To DANCING". Indeed, HE has turned all our mourning into dancing and this further show GOD's MIGHT and WONDER, how he can truly lift our spirits up when we are down. But then, I did not receive the answer to my issue yet. But I did not lack faith. I BELIEVE HE will answer me as long as i kept my faith in HIM.

When I was on my way home, I looked at the sky because the clouds were breathtaking and very nice, which totally caught my attention. Just then, I was asking HIM again. And this time, my answer was found. A word was whispered in my heart. That word is, " HOPE". This reminded me of the session which i gave not long ago which is about HOPE and STRENGTH. But what I am about to highlight now is not the hope and strength, but rather how GOD speaks to us in the most gentlest of ways. GOD does not come in ways like wind, tempest and earthquake. But rather, GOD comes in gentle ways like a whisper, which is why sometimes it is not that GOD does not speak to us, but it is us who missed GOD's answer and calling. GOD always calls but we often close our heart. Open up your hearts and listen to his voice, harden not your heart. Always look to him in expectant faith and one day, you will experience his marvelous works in you!!! Thus, as long as one has faith in HIM, he/she will definitely hear GOD speaking through him/her.

And I also want to thank the Lord for protecting Joel's wrist!!! Praise The Lord!!! Joel.. all the best!!! Wish you a speedy recovery! And I also want to thank Jul, Jo and Kel for being there for me when i was feeling down. I promise I will tell all of you what my issue is when the time is right.

Last but not least, I want to remind everyone that although GOD is almighty, HE will always approach us in silent ways. So, my brothers and sisters, let us answer his call when he knocks gently at the doors of our hearts.

He said, "Go out and stand on the mountain before the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by." Now there was a great wind, so strong that it was splitting mountains breaking rocks into pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a sound of sheer silence. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave to wait for the Lord.- 1 Kings 19:11-13

-Jerry-

God's immense Love

I'm here to catch up with my blogging, since I've missed out so much during the weeks. Disaster struck on Tuesday, I fell during PE lesson as we were made to run backwards like a bunch of monkeys and there was a sharp pain at my right wrist. The pain was immense and excruciating, causing me nearly to faint on the spot. My parents and I went to Mount Alvernia shortly after that and I was so afraid that my wrist would be fractured, as I might be downgraded when I enter army next year (One of my dreams is to go through army training). There I was in the car, clutching my wrist and praying to God silently with expectant faith. Peace flooded me and covered me like a cloak while I was praying and the doctor actually couldn't tell whether my bone was fractured even after I had taken an X-ray and has referred me to a specialist.

The following morning, the specialist said it was just a slight crack and I'll be proper and fine after 6 weeks =) Praise the Lord! He answers, surely. During just these short 5 days, I have experienced the unconditional love of God working through so many many people. One particular classmate of mine (Zhong Hui) has touched me with his actions and has allowed me to see Jesus working so powerfully in him. He was there most of the time with me in school literally being my right hand- Opening my pencilbox for me each time I need it, lending me notes, opening chili packets for me, entertaining with all his lame jokes. Jesus, I am so thankful to see you present so obviously in this friend of mine and I expressed my utmost gratitude for working this miracle in my life. Besides that, my ZJ(Zion's Joy) brothers and sisters were there concerned for me and the last AND best of all, my family, expressing so much love for me that it's overflowing.

I've to thank God for so many things

1. My right wrist is cracked and I am left handed
2. My wrist is cracked but not as severe as fractured
3. To showed HIS love for me through my family and friends
4. For performing such a miracle in my life.
5. Thanks for being my right hand during this time my Lord.

"I thank my God upon every remembrance of you!"- Philippians 1:3

-Joel

Introduction of the next follower of Christ

Hey everyone,

I am Joel, which means being a Declarer of God. Our group: Just Kidding (Julianna, Jerry, Kelly and myself) have finally refined our groups' name, changing it to The Little Rocks. Cool ya? We got this name when Kelly and I attended this little rocks bible study group, along with the rhinos (www.godsrhinos.blogspot.com) and this sentence was written on the whiteboard- "Jesus IS the Big Rock and we are all HIS little rocks" This strikes a chord in my heart as it reminded me of the promise that Jesus made to Peter( which means rock), to build his church. Though this sentence left my sight after I've walked out of that place that night, that sentence remained in the hearts of Kelly and I. Therefore, the 4 of us found it meaning and decided to called ourselves the Little Rocks! Both god's rhinos and us belong to a youth music minisry called Zion's Joy, from the church of Immaculate Heart of Mary. We are inspired to start this blog because of these rhinos and we're here to share with all of you how God has touched our hearts and worked ( and is still working) so marvellously every second of our lives!

-Joel

God Count On US

Today, was reading through the sheets of paper to prepare for tmr's session. And this little poem really strike me alot. It showed to me how important it was for us, Christians to reach out to those who have yet to know who our Lord Jesus Christ is. It showed the importance of evanglising! so here is goes:

Only God Creates
but we are called to enhance that creation.

Only God gives life
but we are called to cherish life.

Only God makes to grow
but we are called to nourish that growth.

Only God gives faith
but we are called to be signs of God for each other.

Only God gives love
but we are called to care for each other.

Only God gives hope
but we are called to give each other reason to hope.

Only God gives power
but we are called to get things going.

Only God can bring peace
but we are called to build bridges.

Only God brings happiness
but we are invited to be joyful.

Only God is the way
but we are called to show the way to others.

Only God is light
but we are called to make that light shine in the world.

Only God makes miracles happen
but we must offer our loaves and fishes.

Only God can do the impossible
but it's up to us to do what is possible.

SO WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE?
- julie

I can only

I finally know why some of my friends always tell me to talk to God whenever I'm feeling sad!!!It was when I was in the toilet just now after lunch when this came to me:

I can only care as a human can, but He can care in a far greater capacity.
I can only listen to your words with my human ears, but He can listen and look right into the core of your heart.
I can only reach out to dry your tears with my human hands, but He can reach out from His place in heaven to touch your very grief and heal your wounded soul.

I don't really know why the thought came to me. It just did. And I know, of all places to be struck by such an inspiring thought! The toilet! Heh.
The Lord really has a sense of humour sometimes.


*kel

ONLY HE CAN SATISFY

The past few weeks has been dramatic, exhausting, simply a mad rollercoaster. Overloaded schedules, crazy emotional mood swings and stupid mistakes and misunderstanding but through all this, I have came to learn a really important lesson. No matter how much of project we take on, no matter how many stupid things that we do, God is always there and he alone can satisfy us. No one else but him.

A day ago, while I was reading the daily meditations of the word among us, I began reflecting on all the events that took place since the beginning of 2006. Happy moments. Sour moments. Good and bad times. Then, as I read the meditation which began with " Whenever you face trails of any kind, consider it nothing but joy." (james 1:2)Then I began thinking, joy? Why joy? After all the nonsense that I've been through. And then I began to think hard, why joy?
And today, I finally understood the meaning. Through these trails and test, though they may hurt sometimes, but the end result of it is definitly good.
A close friend once told me that every test and every trail that we face, its a test to make us and to shape us into a better person.

So those of you out there, feeling exhausted, burnt out, i urge you to just perserve, because everything happens for a reason, and these may come as bad to us but later on in the years as we reflect back, we'll be able to see the goodness in it. HANG IN THERE! (:for the Lord says that he will never abandon us.

" We gives thanks. We give praise. For we know that all things work together for our good."
- julie.

Coincidence?

It's lunch time in the office! And because I'm too broke to venture out everyday to eat my lunch, I bring my own food and while away the lunch hour in the office. Since I have the hour free, I always try to spend this hour with Him! Just sitting outside on the bench with the wind blowing on my face alone, not thinking about anything. I think I'm learning how to sit quietly at the feet of Jesus, like Mary. :)

I used to think that life was one big coincidence. That is the HUMAN mentality! Meeting some people certainly weren't coincidences. Living so near Trina and meeting her definitely isn't a coincidence. She was God-sent to be my confidante, my pillar of strength, my listening ear... my best friend. If she weren't living so near to me, we wouldn't be meeting up so often and wouldn't be so close as a result. She was also the one who taught me that there's more to the Catholic faith than just Sunday mass and catechism classes. When I met her in Sec 1, she was in the Legion of Mary. And her deep faith and intimate relationship with God truly inspired me and made me want to know more about Him. It was no coincidence meeting her I feel, cos if I hadn't met her then, I wouldn't have had the yearning to want to know Him better. Now, I believe that God had sent her along my way to sow the seeds of faith in me. It makes me smile now to think that God had a plan for me all along. Trina's continual presence in my life is testament to that.

Again, I relate another incident that I would have attributed to coincidence before but now believe that is part of His bigger plan for me. A couple of weeks ago, I was suddenly filled with the desire to read the Bible, to deepen my knowledge of Scripture. So I began by picking up my Bible every night for about half an hour before going to bed. For the strangest of reasons, I started with the Book of Daniel. I wasn't thinking about why I wanted to start with that book, I just picked up the Bible and my hands automatically flipped to Daniel. So without much further thought, I read the book in 2 nights and moved on to Corinthians. A few nights later, when I met the rhinos at NUS to just eat and talk, Wilfred and Clement asked me if I was interested in joining them for some Bible study classes about the Book of Revelation. I thought why not, since I was already wanting to read more of the Bible at that time. When I went for the first class last Thursday night, I found out that the Book of Daniel is of a similar kind to the Book of Revelations, in that both are apocalytic literature. When I heard it, I remembered that I had recently read Daniel on what seemed like a complete whim. And now looking back, I know that it must have been the hand of Jesus that held my hand as it picked up the Bible that night to begin my faith journey. It was His hand that guided mine to turn the pages to Daniel so that I would be more familiar with the apocalyptic form of literature that Revelation is.

Mere coincidence? I think not! It's nice to know that I'm not alone in this world. It's nice to know that God has planned what He wants to do with me. And I reiterate: How great is our God!


*kel

The pairs

And Jesus sent His disciples out in pairs to do His work, according to the Bible.Sitting on the bus this morning on my way to work, I was looking out of the window. And I saw that the mynahs too, go out in pairs as they go about their little bird-ways, doing their bird work. It was like a confirmation of sorts of the validity of God's word. I'm such a difficult person. I need confirmation from God, then double confirmation and triple affirmation before I'm fully convinced. But I'm working on my Doubting-Thomas like mentality.

Oh, and another thing happened on the bus ride to work this morning. I was feeling so tired from all the things going on in my life - work, rally practices, catechism which I am supposed to teach this week, meeting up with my friends, personal ISSUES. So I started asking God to show me why I'm doing all this, for the reason for my doing all these things. (I realise now that I was being a Martha!) And the next thing I knew, the song that began playing on my player was 'How Great Is Our God'.

I didn't realise that He was trying to talk to me through the song until this line repeated itself several times in the chorus:

How great is our God, sing with me, how great is our God.Sing with me, how great, how great is our God!

Then it just hit me that I was doing all this work for Him! Because He's so great, as the song reminded me! It never ceases to amaze me how God tells me so much, if only I were to listen and be aware. This morning's realisation amazed me all over again, as if it were the first time He had spoken to me to reassure me.The Lord is indeed active in our lives! He works in His little ways to let me - or rather, us - know that He is present. :) The mynahs indeed!


*kel

Mary and Martha

The past week has been insanely uphill-downhill for me. So many issues have cropped up such that they've become obstacles in my life. And I'm mentally and emotionally spent from trying to do everything right. Not to mention thoroughly exhausted in my physical body too! But that's the least important aspect of all my exhaustion, I feel.

I've been so caught up with my own human problems and how I can solve them that I forgot that Jesus can solve them all for me, if only I'd let Him! Like Mary and Martha in the bible. I'm Martha, so busy with my human chores and work. I need to learn to be like Mary, to sit quietly at the feet of Jesus with an open and still heart, to listen to what He has to say and not worry about anything else.

So this morning, when I got up at 6.45am, I lay in bed in the dark for about 10 minutes in total silence. Not thinking about anything, not worrying about the day ahead. I was trying to listen out for Jesus's voice in my heart. And He DID touch me! I felt a sense of such immense peace as I lay there with the comforter pulled up to my chin. And the peace was so overwhelming that I knew it must have been from Him.

For He said, I will give you peace, a peace that the world cannot give.

And when I finally sat up and decided to start getting ready for work, I tried to pull back my momentarily discarded thoughts to myself. And what made me so sure that the wonderful peaceful feeling I felt earlier on was from Him was when my previously heavy and overburdening thoughts felt so weightless in my mind, so unimportant, so tiny compared to the mental anguish Jesus underwent that night in the Garden of Gethsemene. I truly praise the Lord for the wonderful blessing of peace he gave me! The Lord is good indeed. He will definitely help us, if only we would let Him. And if only we could all be Marys, sitting so obediently at His feet without letting the cares of the world touch her.

It's back to work for me. Lunch hour's over!


*kel

Hey,COOL blog ya... The JK gang simply rawks !!! well.. i m Jerry, luckily n unfortunately the youngest one..basicalli the JK gang is erm.. how do i put it.. well.. all i can sae is a vry new fellowship n friendship.. still young but will grow n mature overtime.. indeed as kelly said. this blog is fer us to pen down our daily feelings n probs if there is.. overall.. i strongly believe that this friendship will indeed become closer by god's grace.. since GOD brought us together.. he will see us through together.. that's wat i believe.. anyway.. that's all frm me fer now.. nxt time i make noise is gonna be my reflections etc. rawk on JK gang!!!=)

Blessings!

Hello!Was reading through this today, in my school library and it strike me, how many stupid times we think the word, "I" and not "WE". How many times, we do things for "ME" and not "US". Attached below is the story of the many blessings that God has generously bestow upon us, and sometimes, we get too caught up in life that we overlook them.

A young man was getting ready to graduate from college.For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's showroom,and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted.

As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his father had purchasedthe car. Finally, on the morning of his graduation, his father called him into hisprivate study. His father told him how proud he was to have such a fine son,and told him how much he loved him. He handed his son a beautifully wrapped gift box.Curious, and somewhat disappointed, the young man opened the box and found a lovely,leather-bound Bible, with the young man's name embossed in gold.Angry, he rose his voice to his father and said "With all your money, you give me a Bible?"and stormed out of the house.

Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business.He had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but realized his father was very old,and thought perhaps he should go to him. He had not seen him since that graduation day.Before he could make arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his fatherhad passed away, and willed all of his possessions to his son.He needed to come home immediately and take care of things.

When he arrived at his father's house, a sudden feeling of sadness and regretfilled his heart. He began to search through his father's important papersand saw the still gift-wrapped Bible, just as he had left it years ago.

With tears, he opened the Bible and began to turn the pages.His father had carefully underlined a verse;Matt.7:11, "And if ye, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children,how much more shall your Heavenly Father which is in Heaven, give to those who ask Him?"

As he read those words, a car key dropped from the back of the Bible.It had a tag with the dealer's name, the same dealer who had the sports car he had desired.On the tag was the date of his graduation, and the words PAID IN FULL.

How many times do we miss God's blessings because we can't see past our own desires?

- julie.

Today, I am here to give testament to the wonders He has worked in my life! And to speak of the complete joy I feel whenever He says something to me to let me know that He is there for me when I'm down. I didn't think that I would ever hear God speaking to me personally, but in the last weeks or so, I've been proved wrong many times and I praise God for that! For once, I don't mind being wrong! Haha. But it's true! He has proved me wrong time and time again, reaffirming my belief that Jesus is truly present in our lives, truly involved in the tiniest aspects of our day to day existence.

Two nights ago, when I was feeling extremely down, I was doing my daily reflection, reading day's little passage from Word Among Us. And when I was done with the day's reading, I decided to flip through the front articles. One particular article caught my eye so I read the entire thing. And what I read really made me see once again for myself how He speaks to each one of us, how he knows what we need. The quote that jumped out at me was from 1 Corinthians 10:13:

But God keeps his promise, and he will not allow you to be tested beyond your power to remain firm; at the time you are put to the test, he will give you the strength to endure it, and so provide you with a way out.

How comforted I felt upon reading it! It reminded me of Jesus's own 40-day trial in the desert in Matthew 4, when Jesus Himself was tested by the devil. And God did provide his Son with the strength to endure the devil's temptations, and eventually with a way out as the angels came to help him.What God's promise essentially means for us is that all our trials, all the troubles and obstacles we face in our lives - they can cause immense pain in the immediate run, but the Lord provides a way out in the end and heals our hurts, if only we allow Him to. At last year's YES camp, when Uncle B said during the praying over session something about letting something go cos it's getting stale, I realised that it could very well apply to me too. Cos at that point in time, I still hadn't completely let go of the hurt from the whole fiasco last year concerning some guy. I was still extremely bitter and bearing a grudge towards him, even though I didn't realise it. I'm sure the letting go bit could have applied to about half of the people in the room too, but what was important to me was that letting go of the past was pertinent to myself, necessary to move on in my life. And after the three days of retreat, I felt a lot lighter, emotionally. I wouldn't go so far as to say that my emotional baggage was completely left behind at the retreat, but it would seem that the 3 days spent in such close touch with Him facilitated my healing process. Of course, I'm not totally without my other troubles now. But that long-standing hurt has been healed, and God really did give me the strength to endure it. Even though at that point in time, I often felt so terrible that I would skip school on some days to just stay home and sleep under the covers so I wouldn't have to face the world. But looking back, I believe I am now a stronger person. See, God really did provide me with a way out. With added strength given to me to boot! :)

Anyway, I should be heading to bed soon cos I gotta get up early to go to work tomorrow.And while I'm in the office tomorrow, I will remember to take some time in-between work to talk to God, if only to build up my personal relationship with Him.I've really been wanting to become closer to Him, especially when I see my friends who share intimate relationships with God who seem to radiate so much joy and love. I really want to experience that too. So instead of just sitting on my bum thinking that I want to become closer to Jesus without actually doing anything, I decided that I have to do something on my part, and talking to Him and making Him a part of my daily life would be a good way to start.

Amen? AMEN! :)


*kel

GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME.

Overall this week was marvelous, it was simply overwhelming for me.My simple dull life has now become like the 'london eye' for the past few months, since last december. Why 'london eye' ? simply because when you are at the top of the ferris wheel, you see the amazing landscape of London infront of you. So I liken to it because it was as though I was at the top, looking down and marvelling at every event that happened . Even the smallest thing.

I feel terribly blessed and loved. Loved and blessed by our ALMIGHTY LOVING GOD! In the 16 years of life, I never had friends who were always in touch with me and constantly checking on me. But now, I definitely do. God has definitely blessed me with amazing friends who never fails to contact me or check on me. The chilling out, dining , swimming and even late night conference with buddies. (:

Yes, there were off days, but what simply brought me through this week was the chorus of ' I Will Sing'. It goes like this, "I will sing, I will praise, even in my darkest hour , through the sorrow and the pain"

Anyway, today was equally marvelous. Had a fund-raising event this evening, and it was truly refreshing, the praises we lift, and serving him and even the stroll with kel. (:Now, the essence of life is seen.

Praise you Lord, for all the things that you've done for us.
" How great is our God, Sing with me How great is our God and all will see how great is our God."

- julie

hellos and how-do-you-dos.

hello world!
we, the Just Kidding gang - Joel, Julianna, Jerry and Kelly - have decided to go public with this blog. and they've left me to do the honours of introducing us all. well firstly, we're from the oh-so-wonderful parish of Immaculate Heart of Mary! :)
some of us actually come from near and quite far just cos it's so wonderful. hah.
and nextly (is there such a word?), we're from the oh-so-wonderful-too Zion's Joy! most of us in ZJ are involved in using music to bring others to God and God to others. i say most cos there're some of us (ahem) who do all sorts of other things other than music!
and...
oh yes, i am Kelly, the Kidding.
which brings me to why we're the Just Kidding people.
it all started when Joel, Julianna and Jerry were standing together during one of the youth rally meetings.
ohhh i'm lousy at this! i can't really remember what exactly transpired, but i remember myself marching up to them to ask 'what about me?' in my usual whiny voice when they said they were the 3Js.
then Joel said that we could be the JK gang.
then someone realised that JK's like, short form for just kidding.
and thus, the Just Kidding people were born!
yes.

so we decided to start a blog to chronicle our days together spent in friendship, in growth and in Jesus's wonderful love!
it was an idea hatched during one of our many conference calls and inspired by another blog by the rhinos..
this whole project is actually still in its infancy... but we're all quite excited about it.
because this blog is a perfect platform for sharing our day's happenings with each other and with our other friends.
for sharing how we have eached been touched by God in one way or another, in big ways or small.
for keeping in close touch with each other.
for spreading a little bit of the joy we have received in the form of blessings!
and this blog is perfect for people like me, who're more linguistically inclined and prefer to see my thoughts out in words rather than to verbalise them. :)

there's so much more i want to say, but i think i gotta wrap this up for now cos tomorrow's gonna be an extremely tiring day. filled with doing His work! for the upcoming rally on 11 March.
how important are my Just Kidding pals to me?
well.. Cheryl said something to me the other day that gave me one of those EUREKA!! moments.
we were just walking to one of our regular prata meals to Hup Seng when she said: "do you realise that the friends you make in church are those that you'll keep for life? cos friends from all other institutions come in and out of your life, usually for as long as you stay in your school or job or whatever. but you go to church throughout your life right?"
and it struck me there and then how right she was! that these are the friends that i'll have with me all my life!
and i truly feel that i've been richly blessed with these wonderful companions, who've been with me through my ups and downs, who show that they care simply by just being there and asking a simple "how was your day?".

if it's anything, sometimes i feel that God uses such friends to show us that He is with us, that He knows what we need to feel better, and i am indeed so so grateful for the small things in life like that which matter.

goodness, i've digressed! i meant to say BYE.
so. 'til the next time!


*kel